Pretty Girls Date Douchebags

Pretty girls date douchebags. A common expression that is consistently supported by the majority of attractive women we see. But why?

I’ll get to that soon, but first allow me to illustrate what I am defining as a “Douchebag”.

Examples:










Soulless, disrespecting, uneducated, foul-mouthed little cock grabbers that more aptly resemble malformed piglets suckling the cancerous MTV teat.

Why do these guys get to date beautiful women? Who are the beauties that find this sort of person attractive? Is this really how you want to look back at your life, considering you already regret junior high pictures of your side pony and Bedazzled jean jacket? Apparently you’d rather add more fuel to your future embarrassment by appearing in pictures with this guy:




I don’t understand the appeal, especially considering that Hollywood rarely glorifies these relationships. The media does, though. Seems every starlet alive has been linked to a good-for-nothing at some point or another in their career. I guess it just goes to show that Stars, They’re Just Like Us!

I have personally never met a happy couple that included one of these jagoffs. More often, in fact, I have met women that are dealing with the residual effects of these relationships, such as stalking, fatherless children and disease.

You’ve seen these guys, at the bar perhaps, grouped together with like-minded ilk, sporting urban fashions and street vernacular. But speckled in between the tilted caps are real lookers, bona fide hotties. The evening usually involves excessive tongue kissing, inappropriate groping, looks of anger by the female and the male’s Eminem-esque “distant glare and nod” that supposedly translates confidence.

This doesn’t just extend to the random passerby, this includes even those I know personally. Female friends (which of course I would date were I not chained down in the Friend Zone) are all too often showing off their new arm candy "bag", usually to my and many other's chagrin. Perhaps I am too judgmental and my reasoning is skewed, but that doesn’t justify entertaining a deadbeat when there are plenty of normal guys out there.

Undoubtedly this has come across as a pissed-off rant from a single man, but that’s because it is. Before I depart, though, allow me to respond to the inevitable counterpoints you are already thinking as it may give you better insight into my perspective.

It’s just a phase she is going through.

Ah, yes. The “Bad Boy” phase. It’s obviously worked out for so many: Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, Carmen Electra, Jennifer Aniston, etc. Take a second to remember other hot women who didn’t settle for bad boys and instead are with pussyfied yet not-as-douchey men: J. Lo, Jennifer Garner, Christina Aguilera, etc. and they are all starting families and making a go of it. But no, really, why settle for Kevin James when you can have a go with Kevin Federline, who’s already two bastard children deep and disturbingly faux-ghetto.

Perhaps these poor souls were pigeon-holed early, a reputation left dead on the girl’s high school locker room floor. She developed early, made a few bad choices resulting in ostracization by the school matriarchs, gracelessly descended the popularity hierarchy, and next thing you know she is wrapped around the anti-establishment, tongue deep in his insidious rhetoric.

It is the fools who feel so beholden to these heathens that they forgo better judgment and marry or worse, multiply.

Why would she want you (meaning me)?

Forgive my shameless self promotion, but I do maintain a nine-hour, Monday through Friday position at a respectable firm. I own my own car, have my own apartment and pay all of my own bills. I am well read, well spoken and presentable. My talents range from music to poetry and I have, for the most part, a sense of humor. Other than the fact that I’ve gotten a little fat in the ass lately I am what is supposed to be the “right” kind of guy.

She should want me because I play grab ass for us, not for show. She should want someone who cares less about his looks or friends and more about her. She should be willing to try a self-made gentleman instead of an ill-mannered, co-dependant scrub.

These rat dicks don’t know enough to even hold the door for her. That should be her first sign.

You shouldn’t want a girl like that anyway.

I don’t, necessarily, but the majority of these troubled women possess wonderfully shaped bodies, and these sensual features should be a reward to men who have earned them with respect and appreciation. Instead, these figures are rendered as superfluous sperm banks for transient degenerates to pillage emotionally and physically and then high-five their friends about, all on account of his being mildly attractive as opposed to just being real.

I believe it is something women grow out of, much like how betrothed men struggle to stave off binge drinking, strippers and fun. I just wish that it was less of a phase and more of a rarity, because each time a hot chick dates a douchebag, she perpetuates the trend and unknowingly kills over twenty thousand undiscovered species in the African rainforests.

For more information or to learn how you can help stop this tragic epidemic, check out http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/